The other day, I had a bit of an epiphany…
A friend of mine is recovering alcoholic/drug addict and has been for the past 10 years. We do not talk much about the process, but one day, we did. He’s a very kind and humble human being, to the point where he can be a bit self-deprecating. When our conversation shifted to me going on about the amount of work he has done to stay sober and how successful he has been at it, he was getting all Eeyore-like on me. I was retaliating with “Just pat yourself on the back, damnit!!!” Mind you, this was all going on over email.
So he approached me later, face-to-face, to articulate what he could not over a lengthy email. His reasons for his humility is because if he begins to get proud of the recovery and makes it about him and his work, that’s when the unraveling begins. He hears it in the voices of those who make speeches when they get their 30 day, 90 day, one year sober coins…the pride, which in turn becomes those who fall of the wagon. If he starts to believe that he truly can control the problem himself, then it leads to a negative outcome. Of course, there is more to it than that….but this point got me thinking about me and those of us who are more than a little chunky.
When I start seeing weight results and getting proud and doing many, many happy dances, I do give myself permission to have “oh…it’s only one bagel,” “just a couple of chips,” “a couple pieces of cheese.” Why? Because I have earned it!!! I conquered and made progress and by golly, I should reward myself! One reward…but it’s like Lays Potato Chips. Betcha can’t eat just one! No…no way, Jose.
Alcoholics have to work everyday to stay sober. My friend works incredibly hard. The triggers are there and his medication was alcohol. Now, he needs to find a different way to cope because the triggers will never go away. He has worked very hard on his internal and emotional struggle and self-evolution. But he never starts to get too proud. Everyday he lives this way. Everyday he works to cope without seizing the comfort that he took to the extreme.
That’s when the epiphany happened. This is work, people. Why the happy dance? Why the permission to slack off when you got results? People live their lives this way all the time. They workout, they forgo the cake and they watch their waistlines because this is how it is supposed to be. There is no reward for it. It just is. That’s how it should be approached…the mentality has to be different and the celebrations can no longer be there. It is a permanent change…get used to it.
I have always felt that feeding frenzies are just a cousin to alcoholism. The root of the addiction is the same; it is just different branches for different folks. But this discussion really resonated with me and my own struggle with my weight. I have to get my head in the game and that game has to be played according to the plan. I can’t celebrate anymore…because I truly have given myself permission to do as I wish for far too long. Now…I need to crack the whip and make the change internally.
No more Ms. Nice Gal. This weekend, we run and look forward to the next run. That’s how it has to be.
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