Excuse me, Sir, I believe I missed my wagon

On again, off again. I can’t quite decide. Firmly planting my booty on the weight loss wagon has been a challenge these past few weeks. As I felt myself swinging towards the land of emotional eating (EE) and bingeing I took the liberty to stop, reassess my motivations and nip the toxic cycle in the bud.

In therapeutic terms, I do believe that is called PROGRESS

Yep, progress indeed! Recognizing that I have a serious problem “punishing” myself for eating before I engage in the cycle is progress. Call it what it is, girl! Good job.

That being said, I’m still 10 pounds more than I was about nine months ago and 20 pounds more than I was two-ish years ago. But more than that - I am supremely more stagnant than I like to be and less and less likely to make consistently positive food choices.

When did this become harder? Is it age? Time? No. Absolutely not. There are women and men out there older than me with less time who get the job done. The problem is a little something called resistance.

Change is hard because change means that one must alter their comfort level. One must adjust what they are used to, even if it’s for their benefit. I may not have mentioned, I was a Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) grad student for three semesters and I was taught to compare the family or individual climate to a thermostat. We are all set at a comfortable level called our homeostasis level. Change, or moving temperature on the thermostat up or down, reeks havoc on our comfort level. We want to be at our homeostasis even if it’s dysfunctional.

I am meeting my weight loss and healthy eating mindset with resistance. I must change and that’s scary. I must admit that food is more than just sustenance to me. Food is wonderful, tasty and required but for me, it is also a crutch.

Food helps me to avoid boredom, anxiety, and above all things, loneliness.

And as I continue this journey towards freedom from emotional eating, food will shed it’s aforementioned responsibilities. I will once again learn to accept my uncomfortable feelings as passing and transient moments in time. Or better yet - readopt healthy and constructive outlets such as surfing, jogging, strength training, and yoga.

Still in Session One. Still learning to define myself as an EE.